Want to Know What’s Funny?
Letting go of EVERYTHING that ever made you feel bad doesn’t necessarily make you feel better.
What makes people feel better is closure.
For example…the moment when you tell someone -“We’re not friends”- because they went out of their way to make sure you felt horrible about yourself—but they still feel like they can send you an occasional text message.
Closure. The TELLING. The statement of dissolution. Words released into the Universe that establish clear meaning.
What I have learned about forgiveness in the last few months is that, it is not necessary to “forgive and forget” as many people have told me. I can forgive a person…but, for now, I need to remember.
During the healing process, a grudge can be a healthy thing to hold onto. It will make you remember WHAT YOU LEARNED ABOUT THE PEOPLE who have hurt you.
A grudge can make you stronger and smarter. A grudge can be downright HEALTHY.
A person can’t stop being angry without getting anger out.
A person can’t stop being a victim until after they are a survivor.
A person can’t stop being taken advantage of if they are willing to overlook purposeful bad behavior.
A person can’t listen to negative and hurtful things after they have learned enough about themselves to KNOW they aren’t true. Before that moment, they are still a victim and not yet a survivor. (After they are a Survivor-a person knows who’se toxic to them and, for a period of time, NEEDS that knowledge to exist.)
A person who is ready for closure, whenever it presents itself, needs to take advantage of it. I don’t mean go looking for it, but when it’s right in your face—it is OK to be extremely clear and simple. “We’re not friends.” No ill will toward them, just your boundary.
A person who can forgive someone else who has never apologized or in fact, does not believe they should be sorry, is the strongest person on the planet.
Forgiveness is not acceptance. It is Grace you show yourself. Give yourself that Grace, because carrying bad stuff around in your head-that was caused by other people- IS NOT YOUR LOAD TO CARRY.
After that, your “Survivor Self” only needs to carry your Grudge (temporarily). Hold onto your Grudge as long as you need it to remember where you will NEVER BE AGAIN.
As long as you need it to discern who is genuine and who is not.
As long as you need it to clearly see WHO is a positive presence in your life and who has another agenda.
There WILL come a time when you don’t need it anymore.
But then, you won’t just be a Survivor…you will be HEALED. I can’t wait to meet up with all of you there. All of you who understand exactly what I mean.
We are going to be FABULOUS…